Notes from New York - September 2010

It was too cold and I was looking for my hubby next to me to be cuddled to him, and it was so disappointing to find him not there beside me. No one was there! Its 12.15 am September 19th and it took some seconds for me to realize that I am thousands of miles away from my family, and my loving hubby. And it reminded me that I am not going to sleep in his warmth for another 6 months. Oh no! I can’t live like this! I want him; I want my family around me. I felt that my cheeks were being wet, but there was no one to wipe those tears off my eyes. I was crying!

That night was long, may be because I had so many things to remind and so many reasons to keep myself awake. I was missing the warming cuddle of my hubby, and I was missing my mom who was always with me throughout. The only thing which kept me busy was counting the days, and weeks until the day I would leave to meet my family again. I have to stay for another 5 and half months; meaning another 22 weeks and that is 154 days! Oh god! It is a long time!!! And then here comes another flow of tears!

New York!!!!
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of
There's nothing you can’t do



I was tired after a 4-hour flight followed by another 15-hour flight to get to New York – as they say, there is nothing you can’t do in this city. But I doubt if I can get my hubby here this moment. I logged in to internet to check if anyone was online. But my hubby was too busy with work to be online and no one was logged in from home either. I was all alone!

I hardly remember the time I woke up in the morning, but I know that it was only a nap I had that night. I was afraid if anyone next door would have heard me sobbing, but again – no one would mind what you are doing here, any one would just not care!

The song started to haunt my mind again…

These streets will make you feel brand new,
the lights will inspire you,
Let's hear it for New York..

Hear what? This hurting noise of vehicles? That is all what I hear now, and it was another reason for not having a good sleep. It took my memories back to my home where I always had a peaceful and quiet sleep, which I will not be having for the whole year ahead. I realized that I am starving without having to eat anything since I stepped into my room and it has been more than 12 hours by then. Thanks to my mom who put a packet of sugar in my bag in the last minute, I could make myself a tea. Is this going to be my next year like? Will I be this alone for the coming whole year? There were so many questions running through my mind, but there was one answer for all of them – YES!

Zipping my tea, I was thinking about what life is all about. Some incidents from my recent past flashed through my mind in that second. My life has always been full of a lot of smiles and some tears. If I had been offered this opportunity an year ago, this moment would have been much more different. But I like my today, because I am proudly married to a person who taught me about responsibilities, who taught me how to stay in limits, and more importantly who taught me how to dream about tomorrow.

I opened the window. It is cold, much colder than I have ever felt. It was the start of Fall, and I know that coming days would be even more colder. I will have to get used to this now. I will have to start try walking on snow too. It’s going to be a very long year for me. I am already missing my love and my family. I know there would be many more nights I will be spending awake like this; there would be many more days I would be managing with only a tea. But, with all what I know about life, I know that this difficult time will sure pass by. It might be slow, but sure will end.

I closed my eyes again. I love you sweetheart; I am going to meet you in my dreams.

By D.R. De Silva