Stay “Happily” at Home

It has almost been one and half months since we were asked to stay at home to be safe from the pandemic. Many of us have been asked to work from home. This is becoming the new ‘normal’ and some companies are looking at this as the way forward.

However, I am sure that this condition is not the same for everyone. There are single people, married and staying at home with spouse, stay at home moms, working dads, working moms, working single mom/dads, working solo moms/dads, etc. Everyone is facing their own struggle. Be it boredom or too much of things to handle. They have their own concerns.

The world economy is going through a hard time which has resulted in pay cuts and certain other actions that have been taken by the companies. Only few industries have been able to survive during the pandemic such as food and essentials. Even the oil industry has fallen as the industrial energy consumption has decreased. These are affecting the day to day lives of almost all the people directly or indirectly.

Some are experiencing issues in relationships when they have got to spend more time together. In the local context, some parents might not understand how “working from home” works and creating chaos.

ICRC is forecasting that the stress level of the people may increase exponentially. The fear for death of loves ones, financial concerns, job insecurity, home schooling and not being able to go outdoors have made people to suffer within more and more.

Psychologists around the globe have been trying to offer help and also have given guidelines on how to stay positive during this difficult time. Here are some of those tips that everyone can practice at home to stay positive and happy during the dark times.

• Set goals for each day, doesn’t matter if they are small tasks

You can think of what kind of things that you’d like to get done within the day. It could be to check and work on all pending emails, or to clean up your room, or de-clutter your wardrobe, to cook your favorite meal, to try out a new recipe, to sew a design that you always wanted to try or may be simply spend some quality time with family. Setting up a goal or a task will give you a sort of purpose and keep you motivated throughout the day.

• Breathe

Take few minutes to just breathe and feel it. A mindfulness practice allows us to have space from our cognition and emotion, so we can see things as they really are. Rather than being anxious, we can see that we’re experiencing anxiousness. There’s a big difference.

• Take time to be grateful for the things that you already have

Gratitude is always a good practice to improve your mental health. In her book, “The Secret”, Rhonda Byrne mentioned that “It is impossible to bring more into your life if you are feeling ungrateful about what you have.” Be grateful for what you have right now. Basic food needs, family around you who are healthy and safe, more time for you than a regular day, more time for self-reflect, and list can go on. If you are a businessman/woman who doesn’t generate any income, be grateful for what you have earned so far and for the fact that you will stay safe and healthy to think on better ways of come back. Be thankful for the free time you got to think about new opportunities. Even with pay cuts, be grateful for the job in hand. You might have got less and less of material things, but find something to be grateful for, and be thankful about those.

• Try some home workouts

You can find a lot of home workout videos online. Even if you don’t want to browse internet for that, do a little bit of stretching exercises, some star jumps, short runs, few abs workouts and you will feel better.

• Prepare a time table for you and kids and get to adhere to this

If you are a parent (even a single or a solo parent) having a kid who needs home schooling, then you must be going through a very hard time balancing daily home chores, juggling work and home schooling altogether. The best way is to prepare a time table, with tasks given for each one for each time slot. You can assign something for the kids which they can do on their own while you are doing office work. You can may be get them engaged in kitchen which will be an added life skill for them as well. Take this opportunity to learn better time and work management and add some skill to everyone’s life.

• Prepare a reward system for kids to help with home chores

This could be a motivation for the kids to help you out as well. You can set the rules and regulations, but the key is not to expect them to be perfect. You might have more of cleaning at the end of the day but what’s important is to get the kids to learn to do things on their own. This is the best opportunity you will get to teach kids on certain skills they will need.

• Make time to connect

It is important to keep social connectivity so that you won’t feel alone. But it would be a good idea to talk about positive things and share laughter than share grievances that increase your level of stress more.
You can also connect with your partners. Express yourselves. Make more time to talk about the family and the relationship between yourselves. Communication helps solve a lot of problems. This could be the best opportunity to renew the bond.
Most importantly, connect with your inner self, think about what you always loved to do, and think about your dreams and make plans to get them into work.

• Learn new things, take an online course, start doing what you always wanted to do

This is the perfect time to try to learn new things. You can refer to an online course, on anything you like. Be it a technological learning, a theory, or something like sewing, gardening, cooking or even art. Start a blog, share your ideas, plan a new business venture, coz you have more time than you ever had and more than you will ever have!


Take time to reflect and think of the most sustainable ways to spend the rest of your life. This is one of the best times to sit back and plan the rest of your life.

• Avoid negativity in social media and learn to use them in a positive way

While we have more time to use and engage in social media, please also bear in mind that your mood will depend on the last 10 posts that you were engaged in, on social media. They can very easily spread hatred, jealousy, irritation, frustration and anxiety. Take time to reflect on these points and try to make a connection. Try to avoid such posts/platforms and try to engage more with posts that boost your positive energy.
Sometimes even the posts that will look like teaching you new things, will also create negative impacts within you such as jealousy and insecurity, so during this time, learn to use social media platforms wisely.
Also remember, that you are average of the five people that you mostly spend your time with. Choose wisely.

• Eat well

Eating well and healthy plays a major part in maintaining physical and mental health. Eat consciously to maintain this.

• Sleep well

Now that you have got more time for yourself, try to sleep more and establish a healthy sleep pattern. You can think about the achievements of the tasks set in the beginning of the day and feel happy about what you have achieved. Practice gratitude and be thankful for the positive vibes around you.

This is a difficult time. Staying at home is difficult for everyone, including kids. Be understanding of this situation and remember that the goal is to stay safe, above everything else. What is mentioned above are just something additional you can think about, to avoid being stressed.

In the essence, be determined to come out as a better version of yourself. With more knowledge, more empathy, more kindness and more love.

By Dinu De Silva

 

Wait, Hope and Pray - The Simple Plan for Life!

"The Only Thing That Is Constant Is Change"

This is a common thing that we hear every day. But I question it, is CHANGE a constant thing? Because that is something I cannot agree. Do people change? Yes. But do they change in the same way every day? No. That is exactly what I mean, that change is not constant too, change changes. The way a change happens, changes with time. Hence, nothing is constant in life, nothing is certain.

This is why I believe that people live by three main principles; Wait, Hope and Pray. It digs even into the basics in life. It is a fact that the sun rises from the east, but none of us are not sure if we would be alive to see it happen the next day. We hope that we would be alive, and we pray that nothing would happen to us and we wait. Just like the "desires" in life are never ending, the "wait, hope and pray" are also never ending. We all wait, hope or pray for something in life or another. Only the subject and the reason might change.

Life is uncertain. Not knowing what is to happen tomorrow, we always have wild guesses. Haunted by all the ‘what-if’s in life, we believe in things. Someone has once said, people believe in things that they least know about. What do you believe? Are you sure that they are true? Something makes sense, right? When we don’t want to believe in something, we pray. We keep on praying that it will not come true. And we ‘hope’ our prays are heard and we keep waiting. Isn’t that we all do in our life? Well, at least that is what I do! Also to keep in mind is that, I believe in these principles, may be because I least know about it!

In another way, isn’t is a simple way of living? When you get disappointed in life, when a dream of you doesn’t come true, and when things go wrong, isn’t it better to hope for something better next time, pray for it, and wait? I trust it is a way of letting things go. Instead of worrying or regretting things, we simply can hope for the best, pray for it to happen and wait with that hope until better things happen.

Again, life is uncertain. Things change every time, every day. The biggest truth today, can become the biggest lie tomorrow. The things that work out well today, might destroy everything by tomorrow morning. When you have had the worst day in your life, things might turn out to be great by the next day. Things change; people change; circumstances change. We simply have to cope-up with all the changes that is happening around us. Isn’t it better to live your life with a smile on your face and a hope in your heart, rather with a tear on your eye and a worry in your heart? The plan is simple – to wait, hope and pray!


By D.R. De Silva

The Roller Coaster Ride

I just had some amazing rides at the Luna Park in Coney Island - NY. At a distance, it was an awesome day having to experience some unforgettable rides, but for me, it meant much more.

They say that life is like a roller coaster ride. I can not agree more. When you look at it from a distance, you see the amazing ride that other people take, rounds and rounds, and you laugh looking at the ride, while they scream. You never feel it right, you never feel what those people feel at that very moment, and you think it is a fun and exciting thing to do. Then you want to experience it yourself. Sounds familiar?

You then plan your ride. You think the scream was just for fun, or you think that there is no need to scream coz it is just an easy ride as it seems from a distance. You plan where to scream and where to keep your eyes open or shut. You get in after all these are planned. Then what?

You get ups on your way which keeps you excited and then comes a huge slope which you never expectd to be that scary. It is all unexpected and then you start realising that the screaming of other people was fair enough. You then scream for life.

The Roller Coaster ride and this race of Life - it ends up to be the same. You plan your rides, you plan your entire life, each day; each hour. But as they say, "Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans". It applies to the ride and life both, the same way. You plan something and you end up experiencing something totally different. But there is only one difference, the response you have on the rides. The ones who were ready to experience anything, would finally say "What a ride" while others might say "what a waste of time".

The roller coaster ride tought me one thing; not to keep high expectations on anything in life, coz you might end up in dissappointment. Instead, I learnt to be ready to accept challenges that would come up along our way. There could be ups and downs, heights and slopes, but only thing that we should be able to do it to hang on!


By D.R. De Silva

"…and some people think I have a very exciting life!.."

"…and some people think I have a very exciting life!.."

Above phrase was seen in a blog that I happened to read recently and it took my attention and made me smile, coz I think it is something that I also know about myself, that "they" think I have an exciting life!

I used to respond to this "famous" comment whenever I heard it, with a big sigh followed by all the complaints about all the problems that I have had to face. But the comment didn’t seem to stop coming. So I paused for a while and thought, why do they all say the same thing? Am I really having an exciting life? What is there to be so exciting? What the hell, if they all say that my life is exciting, then it should be! Why should I worry any more? I started believing that I am the luckiest girl on the earth to have everything that surrounds me. Loving family, nice friends, great opportunities and loads of fun time!

“It is impossible to bring more into your life if you are feeling ungrateful about what you have. Why? Because the thoughts and feelings you emit as you feel ungrateful are all negative emotions.” - Rhonda Byrne (The Secret)

If someone comes up and say "You seem to be having a great time", I would definetely say "Totally".

By D.R. De Silva

"Friends are the family we choose for ourselves" - Edna Buchanan

"Friends are the family we choose for ourselves" -Edna Buchanan

After so long, I am a little free in the office today. Going through the posts in FB, I came through a friend's blog where she had shared this saying. It gave me a little time to remind about my friends who have been with me along my way and continues to remain in my heart forever. This small note is a tribute to all those friends who chose to be my side and give me smiles in one or another way.

They say, there should not be any "Thank You" or "Sorry" among friends, but I should give a BIG thank you to my life long friend Sashi and also to Iresha and Anu.

Sashi was with me since I can first remember about myself, and I am picturing us at the Nursery at Christ King College holding our hands together. The very first memory I have about her is, she keeps standing in the class when I didn't have a chair to sit because some chairs were taken out for the concert and mine was gone too. She chose not to sit, but to keep standing with me, just because I didn't have my chair. I love you Sashi, for being there for me since then, up to this very moment. I can not even think how lucky I am to have a friend like you! Iresha & Anuradha - You are the next best. Sharing each and everything in my life, not leaving any space to a secret, and keeping all of them safe, and being together with me for so long - I love you so much!

Then comes Thilini, Ama and Piumie, giving me the nicest time at IEM and until now. Thanks for being there. I cherish the times I spent with you, the secrets shared and all the unforgettable moments =)

Arosha - I love you! Being the very first friend I made at the university, we made it so far, being the best friends. As Nangi said, we could "bracket" well and thank you for being such a great friend, then and now and forever. I still remember how I tried to make you ignore Ranga aiya, and you know that I was only trying to do good for you then :D We have such great memories which I love and cherish each day. Thanks for being such a wonderful friend.

Then comes Chathuri & Sandani - two of the funniest and loveliest friends I have had. Being together at MIT and having all those crazy moments together, I love you two so much and you are such great friends for me. And then, Erangika & Hasanthi - we have countless memories together, and thanks for each and everything you did for me. Chamitha/Akila/Lahiru/Dush/Kalhari/Maduka/Minal/Nilanka/Ruwi Nangi - I had the greatest time in the uni with you. I love you all for that time.


Hansi/Nadee/Chaami and Kum - We met as total strangers and we ended up being the best friends, or to be precise, as sisters. I loved your company always, and so happy to have you as my friends - Love you all!


Along the journey of my life, I then came to an important mile post and that is Brandix. Being one of the very few girls, I didn't have much friends, but with time, I made best friends, in the PINK team. Thank you Dharshan, Dhanushka, Dulari and all for those great times together. I still remember the crazy trip we did during Movex go-live and the hide-n-seek game. The secret lunch outs made the days more crazier. Love you guys! And Lekha - You are the best of all. from Hinaas to Happy Club, we found all the reasons to keep smiling, and thanks for being there with me and bringing me smiles!

The journey continues and there comes another mile post. I had to come to the USA for a year. Only god and myself know how I suffered the first few days in the USA. Without having anyone to talk to, withought any friendly company, I felt myself totally lost in a dessert. Adeesha - the first angel to meet in NYC, I owe you so much for helping me out to get settled here. Bearing with my nerdy stuff, you were always there for me and you were the "sweet company" for me in NYC.

With all the tears and suffering, I then found that I had a little luck, because I could refresh my friendship with two girls, whom I now want to call as "My Guardian Angels".


Chums & Awa - I just can't imagine how I would have lived without you here. You bring me smiles each day. There are loads of things we have got to talk, yet can never finish. You always make my day. You are two cute angels who came to my life to rescue me! I owe you for that and love you loads and loads for that. I love the nights we laughed together and the nights we cried and sighed together. It was such a great time in New York that I spent while you were here. You two made this time bearable and sweet for me...

I know that I am so fortunate to have such great friends in my life. They say, "Books and friends should be few but good.", but for me, it is wrong, I have more than few best friends, to whom I am thankful for each and everything they do.

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
Thanks you all for walking into my life, when there were many who walked out!


By D.R. De Silva

Lessons for Life!

Things happened so fast that I did not even have enough time to sit back and write anything that crossed my mind. A month is already passed since I returned to New York and it was a month full of many events. As usual, I did nerdy things, stupid things but more than that, a lot of fun things. My friends visited NYC, and I had the best week in NY ever. Each and every moment, every incident will be in my mind forever, some being really hard to share though.

Looking back, I feel, that this one week has changed all our lives. Some ended up in ecstasy, some in disappointment. Some in confusion, and some feeling relieved. Some relationships built up, some broke up. We laughed and we cried too. I personally had a bit of all above. It was simply a week of everything. But, now that it is almost a month past this "week", we still see some aftermath of it. Trying to keep up with the built relationships, or to re-build the broken relationships, or acting like "Go to Hell", we all are still "living" in that week.

It was just a matter of a week, but it taught me lessons for a life time! Life is simply amazing. You never know when a storm will come and destroy all what you built, or when an angel comes and fixes everything by the time you wake up in the morning. Things can happen in a flash of a second. And they have the power to haunt for the rest of our lives, whether it is something we will like or not. Everything you do, every word you speak, will take you to a new path of life and you will never know where that path will end up in.

It was just one week, but with all what happened around me in one week, and seeing all the aftermath, I learnt my lesson - I learnt to let go; learnt to keep going; learnt to keep smiling =)


By D.R. De Silva

The Confession

Sometimes, it is good to be lonely. It gives time for you to think of yourself. To breathe the open air, to eat as you like and to zip a cup of hot coffee while watching your favorite movie.

It has given me the time to re-think about me and my desires about life. Like all the other girls, I had the common dream, to have a family of my own, to have babies and lots of love. Within that fancy dream, there was always the self confident woman who wanted to earn money for herself, and not for any other. I wanted to become a business woman; I dreamt to be a diva. I yearned to publish my own book. Somewhere in this life, I have lost that dream. May be I didn't try, but the closest truth was I was risk averse. For all the other things in my life, I took all the risk, but in chasing my own dream, I was scared. When it was the time to choose my path, I took the risk of doing maths, because I saw everyone else failing in that. Then I took the risk of quitting my job without having one in hand, but I was lucky enough to fill my CV with the next job. I took the risk in love. But why didn't I take that risk in making my own dream come true?

Sometimes I was scared of humiliation. I was scared that people would laugh at my writing. I was scared that people will laugh at my failed love, and I was scared that I would make my parents ashamed. I had the fear of losing the money my parents earned, in trying to start my own business. I was scared of debt. But more importantly I was scared of failing.

The biggest mistake I did was that I tried to be in something that someone else was successful at. I once thought of being in interior designing. But how could I be in such a business of which I don’t know anything about? Then I wanted to learn it, but stepped back because the cost was high and I was scared of debt, again! Foolishly I once thought of joining the media, when I had the craze about the SSS campaign. When I wrote all the articles and did interviews about Pradeep, I thought that was my passion, I was wrong. One of my uncles then asked me to start a ‘Rent a Car’ business. It remained in thoughts because of the crazy fear about so called DEBT somewhere in my mind, haunting me over and over again.

What am I doing now? I am stuck in something that I never dreamt of, in something which is not my passion, something that I have no love about. I clearly know that this is not what I deserve. The girl, who passed out from the university four years ago, didn’t deserve this little salary and a second class job. She deserved something extra ordinary, something way better than this. But that girl is lost in this scary and foolish woman who is a total failure.

I am not sure where I went wrong. I am still in the exact same position where I was four years back. The same salary and the same position, and may be even less respect. I know I have failed. I have failed in chasing my own dream; I have failed in my life, in my eyes. May be the only win was my adorable husband, in which I sort of took a big risk.

I still have those fancy dreams in my heart, shivering to come out. I need to make my dreams come true; I have to make them happen. But I am still trying to escape from this fear, and in this loneliness and while fighting to get away with it, I might find my strength, the strength to pursue my life’s dream, each and every one of them.



By D.R. De Silva